Mother’s day x 5

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I’ve had all kinds of Mother’s Days.. from trips to the park, the zoo, neighborhood barbeques and some just spent hanging out playing monopoly and munching on junk food.  I don’t know how I thought this Mother’s day (with three more kids) would turn out, but I didn’t think I”d end up in my office trying to pull myself  together.

Over the weekend, I took my daughter and granddaughter camping.  It’s a Girl Scout thing, and I love to do it.  Unfortunately, I also love to crash on the couch the day we come back from a camp out.   Today I learned that as a mother of three boys, that isn’t possible.  Especially boys who haven’t heard from their own mother in over a week.   So, in addition to trying to keep three boys from wreaking havoc in the neighborhood, the house and on each other; I have to wipe tears, juggle guilt and anger and get ready for another busy school week.

It’s not anyone’s fault I’m sitting here, blowing my nose and wiping my face.  I’m just tired and worried about what the future will bring.   How will these precious children grow up trusting anyone when they have no idea where their mother is?  How will my husband and I feel safe letting them go back to her if the courts are ever foolish enough to let her have them back?

This new life, this new family dynamic is hard to adjust to.  I put on the brave face, kiss boo-boos, calm the surly teenagers and tell whiners to suck it up, all while trying to pretend that its ok.   I tell my friends, its ok, and truly, mostly it is.  There are very few days where the whole day is lost to crying and fighting.  Most days are great with a pocket of anger or hysteria thrown in to keep me off-balance.   I have a very wise Quaker friend who reminds me every couple of days that if I had brought home triplets ten weeks ago, I would probably go easier on myself than the breakneck speed at which I run through life.

Sorry, little time travel, <its nowMonday morning>  (so hard to finish a thought with five kids who are hungry for dinner)

We ended up barbecuing some steaks on the grill, crowding around our tiny patio table and eating out on the deck. I gave a little speech to the kids about getting along and trying to use nicer words to each other.   My husband saved the day by reading a prayer card we received from our priest (The Family Prayer) and we all talked about what our best part of the day was.   My meltdown was forgotten as the kids all talked about something wonderful in the day (from walking with Grandma in the camp to picking out flowers with granddad)  These goofy, wonderful, exasperating children reminded me how great our day really was.

So, we are all learning.  The kids are learning how to live in a house with rules and responsibilities and I am learning to look for the simple joys in life.


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