Ok, I’ve had it! I have officially turned into a sock terrorist! Yes, you heard me… SOCK TERRORIST …I have overthrown the status quo of unpaired socks!.. I am… . I am holding them hostage and I’m not returning any of them!
How can it be that six people can go through almost fifty pair of socks in a week?!!! oh wait.. yes… that is the math.. but I DON”T CARE.. i hate socks! Even though Maggie is off at college, somehow her socks keep ending up in the sock bin as well…. I hate pairing, sorting, and finding socks through out the house!
When it was just the four of us in the house, it was pretty easy. We were lazy sock people.. we almost all wore the same size, so we had one communal sock basket we shared. Enter three more kids with differing size feet and three years later we have descended into SOCK HELL!! We now have THREE sock baskets (and a super secret sock ottoman in my bedroom with soft winter socks I keep hidden for my own diabolical needs) My granddaughter’s small foot is forever wearing my socks.. and mismatched socks are all the rage in elementary school. The renegade sock army was taking over my house!
Two weeks ago, my discontent reached record levels! I was tired of finding socks throughout the house inside and out.. I declared war! I jumped into my sock dictator role with gusto! I forced the children for HOUUUURS to sort and pair socks. (it was a grueling grandma labor camp) I then commanded everyone to find and take six pair of socks. I hid the rest of the paired socks (which filled a large laundry basket) and left the unpaired (another laundry basket) in a vain hope that throughout the week they also would be paired and would find homes in dressers.
Not only did the rebel socks stay in the basket, unpaired and defiant, the paired socks went AWOL, never to be seen again. ITS TRUE.. somehow, despite fifteen loads of laundry, all socks that had been previously paired, somehow disappeared! Moans of despair filled my house. The people begged for mercy ..pleas for an overthrow of the dictatorship reached the ears of my husband (who, by this time was also out of socks) they threatened a mutiny, but I held firm.. I would NOT give into the sock rebels threatening my sanity! a new alliance was formed… the dogs have sided with the children! They are the underground railroad of rebel socks! They find socks, hide them under couch cushions, behind chairs.. they steal them from my room and run amuck with them. They give credence to the cries of the children “its not my fault! I need MORE SOCKS” I am not being fooled, I know once I bring the sock baskets back, my house will once again be a war torn wasteland of socks.. ..
I am determined, this power shall remain with me… the sock war has just begun….