going back in time.

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Advice for parents/kinshippers/foster parents. keep track of the good times, the times you feel like you like you are doing well. Times when you were down, but turned it to God and felt the peace. I started this blog three years ago, primarily as a mental break for myself. I wanted to keep track and chronicle the journey. Really, I just thought I would use it as a journal of sorts for my own peace of mind. I didn’t think anyone else would read/care about the struggles we go through.   I wrote notes about changes and good times. I wrote about struggles, but then I turned it around (or at least tried to) and tried to look at the big picture and the blessings… almost as if I were giving myself advice.

The most amazing thing I got out of it, is support. I found other foster moms, grandmothers and parents of children with disabilities and I found strength. I saw myself in many of their musings, humor in the stories and prayed for them when they asked. I also got support from my own blog… . I re-read some of the blogs I posted a months/years ago.  I still hate socks and my war on them is never ending 🙂  but I can remember the struggles and find strength.  I can remember the first months when things were tough, and during holidays when times were tougher, but look now at how far we have come, I know we can handle almost anything.

These long days of winter are rough, and sometimes kids with baggage have hidden compartments of hurt that show up just when you think its all settling down.  The counselors we worked with when we first got the kids warned us that PTSD shows up in the most unlikely times/places.   Times when we think we have it all figured out, we get blindsided by yet another hidden compartment.    The days of dreaming about our big happy family seem far off and yet, I know the dream still lives… just in a slightly modified way.  With more support, with more openness, with more communication.    If I go back in time, in posts and pictures I can see a beautiful dream and I can hold that bit when things get a little rough.

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