Changing seasons

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WOW.. I’ve been gone for forever… (or eight weeks, which is like forever) we swam, drove, read books,visited therapists, met with caseworkers, camped, fought, and laughed our way through the summer. Tomorrow is my first day back at work, and the kids start school  in just a few days.  This year two out of five will leave for school year, only to be home for holidays and school breaks.

Our house right now is a flurry of packing, sorting and cleaning… soooo, I headed to work a day early to relax! 🙂

Looking back on our summer it feels as if we were in a continuous sprint. I remember having forced “down days”,  where we would not leave the house, but despite those,  I don’t feel rested and relaxed at all.  In trying to keep everyone entertained, happy and loved, I have worn myself out!

Even though meteorological summer technically has three weeks left, I am feeling the change now… after tomorrow we will be down to four.. and in a few weeks down to three. My house will seem very quiet. We will still have soccer practice, open houses, scouts, church, and countless volunteer commitments, but I can feel a change in the air.

Girlie only has two weeks until she heads back to  camp college in Florida.  My oldest grandson is going to spend his first year of high school away at a private school geared toward therapy and healing.  It was a hard decision, but one we needed to make for everyone.  The courts, in their infinite wisdom, determined that his father’s house wasn’t the best place and our grandson needed to stay with us, but he also needed some help dealing with all the pain in his heart from his life before he came to us.

apparently I cannot heal the children on my own.

Kids who enter the foster care system and who stay in it for any length of time have scars.   They crave attention and love, yet act out in ways that seem completely irrational to the rest of us.  They become masters at hiding emotions and telling people what they want to hear. They try hard to hide the scars of neglect, abandonment and heartbreak.   Unfortunately, sometimes they do it so well, we forget the scars are there and are surprised when we see them.  This is how it was for us.

When our grandson acted out and hurt those around him, we couldn’t understand where it was coming from.  My husband and I felt betrayed by his lack of feeling.  We couldn’t understand why he would act this way when we had given him everything he had never had.   We were reminded to look at the scars and see the pain that still dwelled in the hearts of all the children.  The oldest had by sheer seniority seen the worst, so it stands to reason that his scars are the deepest.  We stopped his acting out, but he needs more than just love, stability and boundaries.

We found a good school in the mountains which will help him heal and the time away will help us heal as well.   The therapists have told me that despite what the littlest have been through,  they are doing great and we have handled everything as well as can be expected. It was unanimously agreed by all that time apart will help us all to have some distance heal.

We will all grow up a little more in that year.  We will have new experiences, some good, some bad,  but family is family and hopefully in ten months we will all be healthier, happier and see each other with a new outlook.


One thought on “Changing seasons

    amarburger32Amy said:
    August 12, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    Praying for all of you through it all!

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